apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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