I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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