I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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