How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think my moral compass just broke
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize