Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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