From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize