You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize