im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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