I faked an abortion last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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