if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize