I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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