I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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