I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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