if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize