I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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