I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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