Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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