Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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