I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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