I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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