My hand turned me down
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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