im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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