remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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