the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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