Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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