Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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