i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Im part way to drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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