I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
there is glitter all over my balls
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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