I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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