The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize