she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize