Just mADE A PArabola og urine
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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