I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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