She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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