I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize