Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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