So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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