She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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