you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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