You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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