walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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