That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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