the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize