Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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