i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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