he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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