Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize