It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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