Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize