for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
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ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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