Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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