..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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